I’ve spent most of a lifetime pretty useless at basic handyman skills. If oil needed changing, a room needed painting, or a household item needed a repair, I was lucky enough that I could hire someone to take care of it.

Time was an important factor. But it wasn’t just about time. There are certain puzzles that appeal to me and others that don’t.

If you have a problem with any computer or other high tech device, I am the guy. I will lock onto that task like a lobster on a wayward finger. Doesn’t matter if I don’t have a clue. I’ll read, YouTube, search forums. Call a friend. Take a break. Attack again.

I won’t give up until I figure it out.

And when the pieces fall into place, and that software driver we downloaded, or the firmware update, or the trial and error setting up a home network router (they all have different menus and lingo) finally results in success, it’s like summiting the top of a mountain.

If I find it interesting I’m stubborn. I won’t give up. As Tom Petty sang, “You can stand me up at the gates of hell, but I Won’t Back Down.” I will spend months figuring out smart home devices.

But if my lawnmower is running rough, or I need to dismantle a sign and the bolts holding it are too tight, I have no patience. I’m stuck. Time to call my friend Dave who’s a brilliant handyman.

“I’ve got to take this sign off of a pole and it’s got two nuts on each bolt. They seem jammed. Can you help me?”

Of course, he can. I drive to the next town over where he’s working today. I’m sure it’ll take him 5 minutes.

It didn’t. But it was fun to watch.

First, he tried loosening the bolts the way I had. Yeah, they’re stuck on pretty tight. Dave reaches in the toolbox for some more precise implements. Still, no luck. This was what I was waiting for. This was where I gave up. What’s he going to do to attack this problem?

Time for the hacksaw.

It was hard work. The sign was wedged between two metal posts, and none of the bolts were cooperating, so David stuck a wedge between the hard surfaces to make room for the hacksaw. I was sure he would hurt his hands, cut himself. It was a tight space, and he could only move the saw back and forth a few inches at a time. There was lots of grunting. I was holding the rigid poles in place between two sawhorses. It seemed to take forever. Then, “Snap!” Good to go.

I get home after setting up the sign. I fasten it to a pole that’s already in the ground with zip ties. I can handle zip ties.

Lisa is sitting at her computer, frustrated. She wants to print some mailing labels, something we haven’t done in years. She’s trying to open Microsoft Word. Our subscription has lapsed. So her template is grayed out. My first thought is to just order labels online. They’re cheap. I’m not buying Microsoft Office again.

My intuition says that Avery label probably has free templates on their website by now. They didn’t do that years ago, but why wouldn’t they do it now? It’s even better than that. They have an online design center, and you can create a free account.

Why not?

In minutes, she’s printing away. I put a shortcut on her desktop. I feel slightly like a good man, a useful husband.

But the lawnmower isn’t working. It goes for a while, then stalls.

I call Dave.

He says it sounds like a fuel problem. Nothing good happens when you store your lawn equipment in a frigid barn for a Vermont winter. I should have drained the fuel in the fall. I can try replacing the fuel filter. Check the air filter too.

I give it my best shot, but manage to drop one of the bolts from the air filter, and broke a clamp that holds the hose on the fuel filter. I found the bolt after a crazy amount of searching, got it all back together, even though one of the gas line hoses is not as tight as it should be. I make a promise to myself that I’ll find those clamps at an auto parts store, and replace them tomorrow.

It still runs rough. Damn. I’m a failure again.

Dave?